Today I ran away from someone . someone that I would name " HB " over here . Back then in the past I would go to HB house at least 2 times in a week or more but sadly things changed since the day I have graduated from school or maybe since the day that I am busy working . Few days ago if I am not wrong I promised another " HB 2 " that I would meet them up & have dinner together today but sadly the day before today complicated issues came up . Right now , right here I want to tell you from A to Z . It's okay if you won't read it but someday somehow I believe that you'll come upon my page & read this . I still believe in you , in us .

Dear Beautiful HB 1 , I know you would wait for my call . I know I had kept you wondering where in the earth I am where as I am suppose to have dinner with you today . Let me explain to you what had happened today or few days back then & what I feel .

- Saturday morning I texted you nicely , asking what's wrong . Whether I have did anything wrong to you but then you didn't reply & so I assumed that you're still in malaysia . I told myself to wait for your reply patiently . After a tiring day at work , I came back home & logged in to Facebook account . I didn't expected that comment from you , I didn't expected you to let others see or know that we're having problems at Fb by giving me that comment . And so I spotted a message from you ... The moment I read all those words my heart sank & broke into bazillion pieces , tears kept falling down my cheeks & no one on earth can make me feel better not even buddy . Cause after so long I didn't feel so much hurt like this .

And so ... we continued chatting with each other at Messenger . I told you what I truly felt yet is not convincing enough for you but I tried so hard , done & give my best till I lost a grip of myself after you said " How am I supposed to share with you things when you're not there for me ? When you read my post why didn't you bother to give me a call ? " . I replied to you nicely with wise words , with meaningful words . With words that I think carefully before I typed it & pressed "send" . After so much of sharing you what I exactly feel , you replied me " Sab.I had enough. When you feel like meeting us or maybe when you're already bored with your busy work life. Beep us . Thank you . Love you . Goodbye " That's all ? When I read those words , I cursed so hard , I cried my lungs out like there's no tomorrow , I hope I die that night cause I feel like my world falls apart for the very 1st time I feel like I was disown by you not the other way round. I replied back " Imagine yourself in my shoes when someone close to you say like that to you ? what would you feel ? And I said even if I am busy with work , I have a reason to it. And even if I am busy I didn't forget my friends as I was different to be compared with the two of them . It's the truth , nothing can deny my feelings . I just wanted you to think through out & imagine " if " you don't say that kind of words to me even though you're mad at me .

- Sunday ; I texted HB 2 , replied with lots of advices & thanked allah at least HB 2 replied to me in good manner & with wise words that won't hurt me . HB 2 has always wanted PEACE NO WAR . Same goes to me ... but sadly HB words made me speechless till I got no mood for work nor being happy for the rest of the day . HB 2 encouraged me to meet HB that is today so that I would clear things out & also as I had a promise a dinner date with them . And again another disappointment I am unable to make it for today as I have to ran errands for work yes even on my day off :'( . I keep wondering why on earth must you refer me as " super busy girl ? " . I thought you understand me even how many miles apart we're from each other .

Today is not a good day at all . I went to viewed your blog as I expected that you would express your feelings at there but little did I know I saw words that hurt me all over again & more .

First of all ; Yes .. I am in the wrong for not keeping my promise & to add on for not at least give you a call & tell that I can't make it . To tell you the truth I was running away from reality . I can't believe that this happened to us after so long of not meeting up. I can't believe till now someone that I treasure , love would say those words to me after so much of explaining . I am speechless . I don't know what to say when kak dayah , zanna & even buddy asked me what's up with your comment . To think back carefully , no matter how I am hurt nor when we're not in a good terms never once I want others to know that we're having some issues going on except the ones that is we called " KG " Never did I want to comment at your wall & say all those things .

I respect you right from the start.

Even if you're busy with your life , I don't misunderstand you . I don't keep assuming that you've forgotten me cause why ?Even if when you went out with HB 2 , I didn't say or ask why didn't you ask us along where as we're sisters ? Cause I understand that every each of us has our own life to handle but no matter what I believe that we're KG's forever no matter how far apart from each other . Please think carefully , did you think you hurt me after you said all those words to me ? I just want you to think like a true friend do it . And think if I really did chunk you away I won't give you my no. , I won't tell you that I got a new job offer , I won't texted & asked you when I read uneasy posts at your blog , I won't tell you all that if I am really chunking you away . If I am really a heartless friend I would be like one of them . If you asked me to stop saying all those meaningful words ... I am sorry to say I won't stop cause why I mean it . Yes indeed actions speaks louder than words but sorry to say actually I need time for both of us to think carefully before anything further happen next .

I don't detest you nor avoiding you but I need time & all I wanted for you to do some thinking alone w/o HB 2 help . Cause here I am no one is helping me to save this friendship cause I know right from the start it's all up to me . Others keep telling me to not bother about this but I am sorry I am not like them . I still have a heart. You should know me well HB , that I am different . That I like " PEACE NO WAR " And from the bottom of my heart , I want to say that I am truly sorry if my words at here did hurt you in anyways , I am sorry for hurting you in anyway be it with my words , actions & etc . If I don't care I won't be typing all this . If you & HB 2 didn't mean a thing to me I would not cracked my brain to think , typed all this . I never wanted us to fight right from the start all I wanted was us to start a new .

And when I said that no other girls out there be it my work mates or my family members can replace you all ; IT'S THE TRUTH . Each of us is unique , each of us has a different attitude & faces , each of us hold a different part in other peoples life . I hope you will keep continue believing in me cause never once I want to give up in this this friendship . Cause I will do what it takes to save this friendship . Even when others is unhappy with you , I would try my best to save your friendship with them . Babe , I swear I love you . I really do .

Let's give each other a week . It's a test from Allah to see whether we can go thru this w/o falling apart . Yours truly , Sab .

Sunflowy Girl
12:45 PM